The 6 Most Important Lessons I’ve Learned in My 6 Years of Marriage

This past Sunday marked my 6 year marriage anniversary. 10 years of friendship, 3 1/2 kids, a dog, thousands of miles, many ups and many downs. We’ve been through a lot, and we’ve come a very long way. I love how much we have grown as individuals and how we continue to grow as a couple.

I’ll be the first to say that it’s been a wild ride, full of things I never could have anticipated, expected or dreamed. But I wouldn’t change a thing. From time-to-time I get a bit jealous seeing newly engaged or married couples surrounded by that whirlwind of enthusiasm and unwavering happiness that only a new relationship can have. Nothing can take away from knowing how much we’ve actually been through and the fact that we’ve stuck with one another even on the days it tough keeps me grounded. This fact  makes me appreciate what we have that much more.

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We spent the weekend relaxing; the north east experienced quite a chill the past few days so I was thrilled about breakfast in bed, endless hot coffee and a plethora of movies to stream. Talk about #netflixandchill *wink wink*

[bctt tweet=”After 6 years, this is how I’m ensuring my marriage gets better with age. http://wp.me/p3D7IB-iP “]

  1. Recognize ALL the Things Your Spouse Does. Even if it isn’t necessarily the things you want him/her to do, I bet there are plenty of things that they do take care of that you wouldn’t want to live without. My husband can almost never put an empty milk container or jelly jar in the recycle bin, but he is my IT guy, my handy man, and spends time with the kids on Sat mornings so I can sleep in. I would not give that up for anything – not even his recyclables magically ending up in the recycle bin. Compromise and trade-off’s is what it’s all about.
  2. Marriage is not 50/50 and it’s Certainly not Beautiful all the Time. Marriage is a very hard work, every day – even on the good days. If someone tells you otherwise, they aren’t doing it right. Everyday isn’t a good one and that’s okay. Learn what your spouse needs from you and visa-versa he/she shold seek the same. Neither of you are perfect and you’ll never be, expectations will go unmet and you will quickly learn that marriage is not a Disney movie. This is not to say there won’t be beautiful moments. Having a person there through all of the ups and downs is priceless. Marriage is hard, but worth it!!
  3. Never go to Sleep with an Argument Unsettled. We made promise to each other never to sleep in separate beds (because of a fight). Yep that’s right – no one in my house is sleeping on the couch! Our motto is “we’ll have to be mad together – in the same bed.” This usually forces us to talk through whatever it is we were upset or disagreed about earlier. Talk it out, regardless of how deep it may get and how long it may take. Ease the tension by being cooperative and receptive rather than just making your point.
  4. Don’t [ever] Stop Dating. This is a hard one because of hectic schedules, lack of time, cost of baby sitters, we can even blame it on Netflix. It’s easy to forget about ‘date night’ or not making it priority. Try new things together, kiss, hold hands, give each other the feeling you did when you first met. We love making our kids cringe and shriek at our PDA – appropriate for 8, 6, and 4 year olds of course.
  5. Give your spouse something to fall in love with Each other over and over again. Don’t forget about taking care of yourself. Continue making goals and striving to reach them. While having hobbies with your significant other is always nice, having one (or a few) that don’t include them is good too. Remember your individuality, it’s likely what drew them into you in the first place.
  6. The Grass Isn’t Greener on the Other Side. It’s Greener Where You Water It. Your marriage is just that, your own. You can’t spend all your time looking at other marriages wishing you had something else. It’s hard to do when looking at others often fictitious lives via social media but remember, everything isn’t what it seems. Work at shaping your marriage to be what both you and your spouse want for each other… Together.

Author: Candise P. Miller

Photographer, multi-disciplinary designer, and mommy. Candise is a New York native currently residing in Washington, DC with her husband, four tiny humans and pup. She is a passionate creative and mom on a mission to live the life of her dreams and inspire others to do the same.

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  • This was so beautiful and spot on. I feel like I’ve definitely learned these 6 points in my first year of marriage (especially #2 lol) and am looking forward to more lessons on marriage in the coming years. Thanks for sharing this insightful post!